Chuck Norris

[Ruthless]

ran across some chuck Norris facts the other day and I can't get them out of my head!!

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes Killing

Superman owns a pair of chuck Norris PJ's

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris  you may be only seconds away from death.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f@$k down

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stairs them down until he gets the information he wants.

 

[Cajun]

I love these...

"When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris."
"When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't lift himself up. He pushes the world down."
"Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Ever."

[Ruthless]

When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to chuck: "excuse me sir, but you can't score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turns towards the man and said, I'm Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body  and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris  roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways...

[Ruthless]

Chuck Norris ordered a Big-Mac at Burger king, and got one.

There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

[Ruthless]

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square

Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.

Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with 1 bird.

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the Soul...

[Cajun]

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

[Ruthless]

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f'n Indian!

[Ruthless]

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

[Beane_O]

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

That one right there makes me laugh still. XD