Whats your Poo telling you?

[Ruthless]

Soft Serve

     More dense than diarrhea but softer than a normal poo, this solid yet amorphous turd comes out in one smooth, steady flowing motion. Its easy exit may make you feel like the stool will take a liquid form, but you are pleasantly surprised to see its more cohesive consistency when you are done. While still far from a cylindrical shape, these poos look alot like cow patties. If you deposited this poo directly into a bowl, it would be easy to mistake for a dish of soft-serve ice cream from Dairy Queen on a hot summer day (although the odor would help make the distinction quite clear). This form of poo sometimes comes as a precursor to, or a last stage of, some sort of intestinal disturbance.

Dr. Stool Says:
     Stool's liquid consistency can be intermittent, often varying from one bowel movement to the next. When short-lived, the development of mildly loose stools associated with abdominal cramping is usually due to ingestion of poorly absorbed foodstuffs. While substances such as fructose (in juices and sodas) and sorbitol (in sugar-free gum) are becoming increasingly recognized, the most common cause of the Soft Serve is lactose intolerance.
     Lactose intolerance -the inability to digest the main sugar found in milk-is a remarkably common condition worldwide, especially within certian ethnic groups. Asian and African American populations have rates of lactose intolerance that approach 80 percent. Lactose, the enzyme responsible for breaking down lactose, is found exclusively in the small intestine and is affected by a variety of conditions. While most lactose-intolerant individuals are genetically deficient in lactase, conditions such as inflammatory bowel disease, which injure the small intestine, can also reduce levels of the lactase enzyme. Lactose intolerant and craving that extra-thick milk shake? Try taking supplemental lactase enzyme pills to help process the load. Another way to enjoy your morning cereal if you are lactose intolerant is to subsitute soy milk, which has the added benefit of adding protein to your diet.
     If you know your Soft Serve is not being caused by lactose intolerance, you should ask your doctor if you have celiac sprue, a disease characterized by an intolerance to gluten-containing foods. Gluten is a component of grains such as wheat, rye, and barley, and ingestion by suseptible individuals causes an immune reaction that damages the small intestine. Crampy abdominal pain, watery diarrhea, and the eventual development of an iron deficiency (anemia) are common adult manifestations of this condition.
Diagnosis can be made by blood tests and upper endoscopy. Treatment requires the elimination of all gluten from one's diet.
     More often than not, this form of poo does not require specific treatment. An increase in dietary fiber will help to bulk up the stool and lend it a more traditional consistency.


Next chapter: D.A.D.S.
Synonyms: Revenge of the Poo, Morning After Poo, Poo of Shame, Bud Mud

[Beane_O]

You know, reading some of this has made me sigh with relief. You haven't tagged in pics with your research. 

[Cajun]

Well, we were promised illustrations.....

[Beane_O]

Well, we were promised illustrations.....

OMG, as long as it's not self fabricated..... 

[Ruthless]

Well, we were promised illustrations.....

OMG, as long as it's not self fabricated..... 

  Don't worry, I'll add pics and other Poo Facts after we finish the other chapters 

[Ruthless]

D.A.D.S

     A D.A.D.S. is a day-after-drinking stool. After a long night of partying, you may awake the next day with a hangover and an unsettled stomach. Wheather your personal hangover cure is a greasy meal, a milk shake, a Bloody Mary, or a family elixir, your body needs to purge itself of the toxins and recover from the indulgences of the previous evening. A D.A.D.S. often comes in a semisolid state, and sometimes is accompanied by stomach discomfort. The most notable trait of a D.A.D.S. is a tread mark left on the tiolet bowl after you flush, as well as the distinctive bar-floor smell. The more you drank the night before, the more D.A.D.S. you need to eliminate to start feeling better. Usually your second D.A.D.S. of the day signifies that your recovery is well under way.


Dr Stool Says:
     The runs you experience the morning after are due to ethanol's stimulant effect on your bowel's motility: It basically "revs" up the intestines so that the contents move through more quickly. This leaves less time for your colon to absorb water, and results in a profuse, watery stool. Ocassionally, the large carbohydrate load in alcoholic beverages can overwhelm your digestive enzymes and indirectly cause diarrhea.


Next up: The Green Goblin
Synonym: Seaweed Stool